when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
