in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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