Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
