whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When are your genitals available?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
