if you like me you must not know who I am
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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