Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
