i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
