Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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