I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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