you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
