He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
