On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
