my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i dont even know how to be here
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
