I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize