fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
