I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize