SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize