i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
