gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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