dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The Olympian is in my bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
