glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize