Don't you send me to vm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she pinky promised me she was 18
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
