I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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