I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
