i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
