There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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