he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
