Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
