also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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