i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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