guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
