I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
