Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
