We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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