elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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