Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
