Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
