So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
