I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
