halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
