She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
