I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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