Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize