My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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