He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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