uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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