How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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