I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
