You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
