At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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