as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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