I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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