there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
