Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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