fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
