yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
