Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
