I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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