Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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