This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
