your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
