My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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