Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
