my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
