last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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