Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
