his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
