Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
